Click2irma’s Weblog

Na-ah…I’m not going to give such a kind of tips. You are just fooled by the title I’ve made. It just a trick of attracting reader’s attention to read my blog…hehehehe….Gotcha!!

What I’m gonna write here is about me,myself and I..and to those who just being trapped by reading it, congratulation, because u’re gonna read a very narcistic writing..

I’m a cute and smart little girl, spending the last day of the end of the year alone, in my small little tiny atco.

And just now, my mom called me and asked me (worrily), what am I doing in this New Year Eve and I said, I do nothing, just watching TV. Then she talked much funny things about my cousins, my nephew and nieces. She’s not pity at me at all, although in her first sentences at the first calling asked me with, “What are you doing?”..

After she called, I continued my activity to watch the funeral ceremony of the 4^th President of Indonesia, Gus Dur.

Then, sleepily, one of my best friend also called me:

BF (Best Friend, not Boyfriend nor Blue Film, please deh..) : Halo, Luna Maya (she used to call me as Luna Maya, I even don’t understand, how she could speak so frankly like that..

Me, Luna Maya : Yup..

BF : What are you doing?What do u plan for spending this New Year’s Eve?

Me:Just stay at home..

BF:Hahhh?stay at home? How come? So pity of you spending time staying at home in the New Year’s Eve..That’s why I said to you, just return to Soroako after New Year..we have lots of fun here..hihihihihihihi….(smile like Mak Lampir)

Me : (smile like Luna Maya, calmly and beautifully). Well,I’m fine lah.. I like to be here alone..what’s the different between today or other days..it’s just same for me..

BF: I believe you’re gonna say that, because you are a loner, an aloof person, anti social..But do you know what, kamu membunuh dirimu perlahan2 dengan ke-antisosial-itasan-mu itu..

And she talked like a well-known psychologist until I can’t differentiate whether she is my bestfriend or Sigmund Freud….xexexexe…

Well, I know, that she is such a very nice and sincere bestfriend, almost a sister for me, and she doesn’t mean to hurt me at all by saying that all,..

But..

Doesn’t she understand that I’m happy enough with my loneliness in this New Year’s Eve?

By watching TV, I experience many things:

I could be in Gus Dur’s funeral with SBY, I could watch Nidji, Agnes Mo-nikah (so obsessed,huh?hehe), Maia,etc and sing together with them. I EVEN CELEBRATE THE FIRST NEW YEAR IN AUCKLAND! !!!After that, I celebrate also New Year in Bikini Bottom with Spongebob,Patrick,Mr.Crab,and friends

Why she said that I’m not happy?

The term of happiness in New Year’s Eve is not always make disturbance physically, watching out fireworks physically, screaming out loud physically..

Happiness is something related with feeling. And for something called feeling, in my opinion, is something that we create.

If we wants to feel happy, be happy. If we want to feel sad, be sad.

And I decide to feel happy alone in my small little tiny atco without my best friends here..

What??

I write this by crying? depressed? No, not at all….

I love my best friend, and I am happy if they are happy, but I shouldn’t depend on them, right? My happiness is not always be with them. The feeling of love which I feel on them is not physically, but grows in my heart..(a’tanja’ Rhoma Irama ma’ sekarang..)

In this New Year Eve, I would like a very big thanks to my Lord, The Best Creator ever, Who blesses me with talents, and sincere loving family and best friends..

Soroako June 9th, 2009

It is quite surprisingly to know our weakness from other people, and it is humanity when we do not want to accept it.
It is humanity when we like to be praised,
It is humanity when we don’t want to admit our weakness,
But it is Angelic,
To apply all those things in contrary..

But I love my best friend for letting me know and remind me again for imperfectness of me as human being.

To be a good friend, is not only to listen and tell her/him about how good she/he is..but also telling the truth about him/her. And my friend was applied it on me. Although it’s quiet hurting to know the truth..^_^

Last week, I told her my misery that how I can not forget my past,
and does not want to accept my present even my future because of keep thinking about my previous memory.

She said that, how I could speak well, motivate others by saying a good reflection (including in this blog), show others…
How tough I am,
How wise I am,
In facing my life
And wishing that others could take my “life experience” as lesson.

But,..
In reality, I never could realize what I do say or do write.

Then, she showed me the verses from Al Qur’an, and it’s surprised me,
Made me sad,
Scared,
And ashamed on myself…

“ Hai orang-orang yang beriman,mengapa kamu mengatakan apa yang tidak kamu perbuat?
“Amat besar kebencian di sisi Allah bahwa kamu mengatakan apa-apa yang tidak kamu kerjakan.” (Ash Shaaf/61 : 2-3)

It’s me,
Who do the lip services on others,
Look wise to advice,
Look broadminded to view life with my words,

But I am a loser of myself,
Because I even can’t get rid off my problem,
My past…

It’s me,
A very small person,
A shallow person,
The next Fir’aun,
Who is proud and show off for self,..
But too shallow and weak as real.

O Lord,
Forgive me,
For the self foolishness I’ve made
For the stubborn,
For the arrogant,
For the shallow I have,…

I want to change to be one of Your believer,
Who can realize her words
into action…

Protect me, and help me God,
For the good intention I have now.
Amin.

Allah always answers and controls my behavior, becoming my savior when I am so down.

Just now, I was so sad because of a thing I don’t know, it just because of raining then everything was just so wrong for me. Made me so uncomfort. Nobody say hi on me when I came at the school, everybody busies with his/her own business. I was late because of rain.. and I just directly remind h_ m.

Yeah,..everytime I sad, I always remember h_m. Idiot!!

And when I came home earlier, and take a nap, and wish after taking a nap I would be much more better, I woke up and did Dhuhur pray, and then reciting the Qoran, I got verses which answered my prays and controled my mind and emotion. They were:
“And man supplicates for evil (when angry) as he supplicates for good, and man is ever hasty.”
Al Isra :11
(Dan manusia seringkali berdoa untuk kejahatan sebagaimana biasanya ia berdoa untuk kebaikan. Dan memang manusia bersifat tergesa-gesa).

Yesterday, when I saw him around, I was praying like this in my Maghrib and Isya, and all my Qiyamul Lail,:
“Dear God, if h_ is my soulmate, and I won’t hurt anybody with our relationship, please meet us again and tie us in a ,m_ _ _ _ _ _ e, but if h_ is not the one, please find me a better soulmate than h_m to be my h_ _ _ _ _d. And Dear God, please supplicate my soulmate, a good h_ _ _ _ _d to propose me A.S.A.P.” (what a … I insist God?come on,Irma..)
And it answered the day after I pray.

Before that, – yesterday, when I felt so down – I open the Holy Qoran, and I found this verse:
“And if you punish (an enemy,O believers), punish with an equivalent of that which you were harmed. But if you are patient, it is better for those who are patient.” An Nahl:126
(Dan jika kamu membalas,maka balaslah dengan (balasan) yang sama dengan siksaan yang ditimpakan kepadamu. Tetapi jika kamu bersabar, sesungguhnya itulah yang lebih baik bagi orang yang bersabar.” ) An Nahl:126

I have had replied my anger on h_m through ignoring h_m as h_, ignored me. I have had replied my anger through not talking to h_m as h_ hurted me as I know,h_ hated a lot of being silenced. But, I’m not becoming comfort with what I did on h_m.

And then, through that feeling, God leads me to another verse, to realise my sins and what shall I do for my life, for the next life journey:
“Then indeed your Lord, to those who have done wrong out of ignorance and then repent after that and correct themselves – indeed, your Lord, thereafter, is Forgiving and Merciful.” An Nahl : 119
(Kemudian sesungguhnya Tuhanmu (mengampuni) orang yang mengerjakan kesalahan karena kebodohannya, kemudian mereka bertobat setelah itu dan memperbaiki dirinya. Sungguh, Tuhanmu setelah itu benar-benar Maha Pengampun, Maha Penyayang.) An Nahl : 119
I betrayed on God, I betrayed through love h_m more than God, even love h_m more than myself. But h_ left me behind,right? But God never leave me..