Click2irma’s Weblog

Soroako June 9th, 2009

It is quite surprisingly to know our weakness from other people, and it is humanity when we do not want to accept it.
It is humanity when we like to be praised,
It is humanity when we don’t want to admit our weakness,
But it is Angelic,
To apply all those things in contrary..

But I love my best friend for letting me know and remind me again for imperfectness of me as human being.

To be a good friend, is not only to listen and tell her/him about how good she/he is..but also telling the truth about him/her. And my friend was applied it on me. Although it’s quiet hurting to know the truth..^_^

Last week, I told her my misery that how I can not forget my past,
and does not want to accept my present even my future because of keep thinking about my previous memory.

She said that, how I could speak well, motivate others by saying a good reflection (including in this blog), show others…
How tough I am,
How wise I am,
In facing my life
And wishing that others could take my “life experience” as lesson.

But,..
In reality, I never could realize what I do say or do write.

Then, she showed me the verses from Al Qur’an, and it’s surprised me,
Made me sad,
Scared,
And ashamed on myself…

“ Hai orang-orang yang beriman,mengapa kamu mengatakan apa yang tidak kamu perbuat?
“Amat besar kebencian di sisi Allah bahwa kamu mengatakan apa-apa yang tidak kamu kerjakan.” (Ash Shaaf/61 : 2-3)

It’s me,
Who do the lip services on others,
Look wise to advice,
Look broadminded to view life with my words,

But I am a loser of myself,
Because I even can’t get rid off my problem,
My past…

It’s me,
A very small person,
A shallow person,
The next Fir’aun,
Who is proud and show off for self,..
But too shallow and weak as real.

O Lord,
Forgive me,
For the self foolishness I’ve made
For the stubborn,
For the arrogant,
For the shallow I have,…

I want to change to be one of Your believer,
Who can realize her words
into action…

Protect me, and help me God,
For the good intention I have now.
Amin.

Allah always answers and controls my behavior, becoming my savior when I am so down.

Just now, I was so sad because of a thing I don’t know, it just because of raining then everything was just so wrong for me. Made me so uncomfort. Nobody say hi on me when I came at the school, everybody busies with his/her own business. I was late because of rain.. and I just directly remind h_ m.

Yeah,..everytime I sad, I always remember h_m. Idiot!!

And when I came home earlier, and take a nap, and wish after taking a nap I would be much more better, I woke up and did Dhuhur pray, and then reciting the Qoran, I got verses which answered my prays and controled my mind and emotion. They were:
“And man supplicates for evil (when angry) as he supplicates for good, and man is ever hasty.”
Al Isra :11
(Dan manusia seringkali berdoa untuk kejahatan sebagaimana biasanya ia berdoa untuk kebaikan. Dan memang manusia bersifat tergesa-gesa).

Yesterday, when I saw him around, I was praying like this in my Maghrib and Isya, and all my Qiyamul Lail,:
“Dear God, if h_ is my soulmate, and I won’t hurt anybody with our relationship, please meet us again and tie us in a ,m_ _ _ _ _ _ e, but if h_ is not the one, please find me a better soulmate than h_m to be my h_ _ _ _ _d. And Dear God, please supplicate my soulmate, a good h_ _ _ _ _d to propose me A.S.A.P.” (what a … I insist God?come on,Irma..)
And it answered the day after I pray.

Before that, – yesterday, when I felt so down – I open the Holy Qoran, and I found this verse:
“And if you punish (an enemy,O believers), punish with an equivalent of that which you were harmed. But if you are patient, it is better for those who are patient.” An Nahl:126
(Dan jika kamu membalas,maka balaslah dengan (balasan) yang sama dengan siksaan yang ditimpakan kepadamu. Tetapi jika kamu bersabar, sesungguhnya itulah yang lebih baik bagi orang yang bersabar.” ) An Nahl:126

I have had replied my anger on h_m through ignoring h_m as h_, ignored me. I have had replied my anger through not talking to h_m as h_ hurted me as I know,h_ hated a lot of being silenced. But, I’m not becoming comfort with what I did on h_m.

And then, through that feeling, God leads me to another verse, to realise my sins and what shall I do for my life, for the next life journey:
“Then indeed your Lord, to those who have done wrong out of ignorance and then repent after that and correct themselves – indeed, your Lord, thereafter, is Forgiving and Merciful.” An Nahl : 119
(Kemudian sesungguhnya Tuhanmu (mengampuni) orang yang mengerjakan kesalahan karena kebodohannya, kemudian mereka bertobat setelah itu dan memperbaiki dirinya. Sungguh, Tuhanmu setelah itu benar-benar Maha Pengampun, Maha Penyayang.) An Nahl : 119
I betrayed on God, I betrayed through love h_m more than God, even love h_m more than myself. But h_ left me behind,right? But God never leave me..

Soroako, April 28, 2009

Bismilllah Ar Rahmaan, Ar Rahiim..
On the name of Allah, The Most Merciful, The Most Forgiving..

Dear Allah,
I praise for You, for all the blesses and trials You’ve given me.
I admit that I usually, can’t stand and complaint for all the trial You’ve given me,
and always forget Your blesses..
Then, I know that at the time You try me, at the same time a bless (or there ARE some BLESSES) follows. At least, teaching me to be tougher for life than previous.

Dear Allah,
Although the quantity of forgetting You is much more than the quantity of remembering You, please, put Your trust still on me,
Put Your trust on me, that I will always turn to You when I am not leaning on You and forget Your blesses, Your mercies, Your forgiveness,
Put Your trust on me, that I will always be Your Abdillah, the one who admitted to the Glorious of You, to The Greatest of You, to The One and Only You, God among all gods created by the humankind.

Dear Allah,
Help me from the foolishness which is coming from me and coming from my environment,
Help me to love You unconditionally, because I know that You love me that way either,
Help me to be consistent in seeking You,in believing You, in loving You,in knowing myself,

Dear Allah,
Thank You for the live of life of mine,
Thank You for the good friends I have,at the past,at the present,or even at the future..
Thank You for the family I have,
Thank You for the job I have,
Thank You for the
Thank You for the happiness I experienced,experiences, or will experience,
Thank You for the trials I experienced,experiences, or will experience,
Thank You for the chance to live, to share, to have friend, to be a friend, to love, and to be loved.
Thank You for all the blesses unmentioned that You’ve given me..

Keep becoming my best Guardian,Dear Allah,
Reminds me, loves me, live my life…